Eva
Eva’s due date was September 4th, 2009. My pregnancy was pretty much textbook, sick for three months, great to month 6 and then waddled through my last trimester. I remember seeing her heart beat for the first time and how excited both my husband and I were. I didn’t feel amazingly happy though, until I learned that she was a girl. At the ultra sound, I kept oohhing and aahhhing. Seeing her profile, hands, and feet was so amazing. I remember feeling a strong connection to her just from knowing she was a girl. I knew she would be experiencing the things in life that I had, and felt we would grow into a positive relationship because we were the same.
When I was almost seven months along, my husband and I took a class that was several weeks long, The Bradley Method. I looked forward to taking those classes every week. It was held Wednesday nights at the instructor’s home. It was so much fun for me to learn all I could about labor and delivery and also to share pregnancy stories with other parents. Plus, after the class, my husband and I would get a strawberry milkshake on the way home. It was very yummy for a pregnant belly. We went on walks together and read books about pregnancy. It was an exciting time. We were on the threshold of our lives changing forever and we were so happy looking forward to Eva’s arrival.
Eva’s delivery date came and went. For some reason, I just knew I was going to be delivering late and it didn’t really bother me. Plus, in our Bradley Method classes we were taught it almost always happens that way. I wanted to have a natural delivery without medication, but wanted to still be in the hospital in case of emergency. My doctor kept pressuring me to be induced since I was over a week late. So, even though I really didn’t want to, I took the advice of my OBGYN and we set a date. September 12th we were supposed to call the hospital in the evening to check if any rooms were available in labor and delivery. While we were waiting we went out to dinner at a good 50’s hamburger restaurant. A room still wasn’t available, so we went bowling. After a few games, it was 10:00p.m. and we could go in! I was very, very nervous.
The next thing I remember, very vividly is being strapped up to a bunch of monitors, wearing a delivery gown, and having an I.V. stuck in my arm. I started crying. All of a sudden I went from being just fine to being so uncomfortable. I was in pain from the injection site and I really felt like I had lost all control of the situation. My husband and I had prayed together however, and I tried to focus on the positiveness of that. I was able to calm down slightly and relax some.
After a night of light sleep, some water, lots of beeping, and checking, and waiting, our doctor came to see my progress in the morning. As he was checking me, all of sudden, he broke my water. I hadn’t progressed very far along and he must have wanted to speed things up. We had talked previously of NOT breaking my water and letting it rupture on it’s own, so I was pretty upset and surprised that he did that. I knew now in the back of my mind, that I had a time limit to deliver my baby. Still, I kept my breathing calm and tried to relax.
Then the nurses introduced pitocin into my I.V. drip. Soon after, the baby’s heartbeat started beating irregularly. All of a sudden, nurses came running in, my doctor was there in a flash. They told me to turn this way, turn that way. I was given oxygen to breath through a mask. The whole time I was completely calm. I remembered in my husband's prayer that he said “everything would be fine and that I would deliver a healthy baby”. I knew that if my blood pressure started to rise, the baby’s would too. I just breathed nice a deep and did exactly what everyone told me. I remember looking up at my husband during the emergency and realizing how scared he looked. I thought to myself, “that’s odd, doesn’t he know everything is going to be okay? I’m okay, the baby’s okay…” Later he told me he was very, very worried at that point. When the nurses were happy with the baby’s heartbeat they attached an internal monitor so they wouldn’t loose the baby’s heartbeat on the external monitor.
I tried doing some of the things we had learned in my Bradley Method classes; changing positions, going to the bathroom, etc.. It was difficult to do however, because I was strapped to monitors and the nurses wouldn't let me get up off my bed without a nurse’s presence. Looking back on it, I think they must have been bothered that I kept asking to change positions and kept trying to get up and walk. I was persistent however and tried to do what I could to progress my labor. One of the times I rolled over, the baby’s heart beat just stopped. Once again, everyone was in my room, running, rushing all over the place. I think it was my husband who suggested he heard a “pop” and that they should look at the internal monitor to make sure it was still in place. I had snagged it rolling over and it had unhooked. Problem solved. I was so happy to have my husband supporting me through it all and to have him as my advocate.
The nurses kept telling me I should be progressing faster than I was. So throughout the day, they kept upping the dosage of Pitocin. The goal was to kick start my own labor to take over, but it never did. The more time went by, the more pitocin I had to take. I felt defeated every time I was measured and saw no progress. It got to be very difficult. I was feeling contractions one on top of each other without a rest. I felt like I had no time to relax. My husband was watching the monitor and would prep me before a contraction peaked. He’d say, “take a deep breath, now just breath, here it comes, relax, focus…” and it really helped to focus myself through the hardest part. I was 7cm for about 5 ½ hours without any food or water since the previous night. I kept asking the nurses for some water or food, and I was denied. They would let me suck on a wet wash cloth and that was it.
It was about 3 in the afternoon. I was getting extremely fatigued and beginning to be disappointed that I wasn’t progressing. I kept trying different things to help move things along; at least what they would allow me to do. I sat on a medicine ball for a while, asked to go the bathroom, moved around on my bed. I continually asked for water or food and still they never gave me anything. Looking back on it now I’m sure they were expecting me to need a C-Section, which is why they wouldn’t let me eat anything or move anywhere.
But by this time, I knew my timeline was running out in which the doctor would allow me to deliver my baby vaginally. And when the nurse told me they would have to up my dosage of Pitocin again I felt that I really needed to change something. I knew if I didn’t dilate fast enough, I wouldn’t have enough strength left to push in stage 3 and I did not want a C-Section. Before we had entered into the hospital I told my husband never to mention pain medication to me because I was determined to have a natural childbirth experience. He was great, but at this point, I knew I had past the point of “natural” labor and I needed to pick the lesser of two evils and deliver this baby quickly or I wouldn’t succeed at all. So I begged the nurses to get up and go to the bathroom one more time, something the nurse really didn’t want me to do.
As I was standing there for a moment, I looked at my husband and asked him what he thought about getting myself an epidural. He bravely told me what ever I thought was best he would do, but to remember that I wanted a natural childbirth without anesthesia. I let him know I was weakening very quickly and if they upped the dosage of pitocin again I wasn’t sure if I could take it. I thought the best move at this point was an epidural. I still remember the look of total relief on his face. It was like I had lifted a burden off his shoulders and all at once he could breath again. It surprised me because up until then, I had been so focused on myself I hadn’t realized how traumatic the entire labor had been for him too.
We called for the anesthesiologist. About twenty minutes later he was there. They had me sit on the edge of the bed and curl my back as much as possible. I held onto my husband because the contractions were so strong one on top of each other and it was very important that I not move with the needle in my back. It took them a while to find the right placement for the needle and while they were taking their sweet time, my husband was in an awkward position kneeling in front of me on the floor. I wouldn’t let him go though. The nurse finally had to pull my hands off him, support me, and let him rearrange himself again.
People have asked me what it feels like to be in labor, and this is all I can put into words to describe it. My contractions were so strong and without rest, that even with the epidural needle scrapping my back bone several times, it was a welcome relief to the pain of my contractions. I remember thinking, “Oh, that needle in my back feels pretty good right now. What a pleasant distraction.” Scary thought…
About twenty minutes after my epidural was in place, I was asleep. The nurses cranked up my pitocin intake and less than one hour later, they woke me up to start pushing. I was completely numb from my ribs down so with a nurse on one leg, my husband on the other and our doctor monitoring I began to push. I made up my mind earlier that I would be the best pusher ever because I was nervous about this stage of labor throughout my entire pregnancy. Without being able to feel anything I had to just guess and hope things were working well. I’m sure I wasn’t that effective pushing, but not for lack of effort. After one hour of pussing, our doctor decided to use a suction to help ease out the head and suddenly Eva was born.
It was 5:20 p.m. September 13, 2006. They set her on my stomach for only a brief few seconds while the nurses rubbed her body and suctioned her mouth some. She was purple, but I wasn’t concerned, her umbilical cord was still attached. I remember the first thing I thought to myself was how long she looked lying across my belly. This all happened very quickly because as fast as she was out, the doctor cut her umbilical cord and whisked her away to a table across the room to make sure she was breathing. This upset me because I knew she was okay and would breath just fine when she woke up to the outside. It had only been a matter of seconds before the nurses took her away from me. My husband went with her across the room to talk to her and he rubbed her hand while she was on the table. He held Eva's hand the entire time the nurses measured and did their tests.
She was born 7lbs 3oz, 20 ½ inches long, with a 13inch head diameter. I remember thinking, “This is it. Our baby girl is here.” And for a few moments, I was upset not being able to see her or hold her…just kind of left out. I was very tired, but very relieved it was over. The doctor was attending to me while this was going on. He had to stitch a small tear and a nurse helped to deliver my afterbirth. I was nervous while they were “punching” it out of me because I had read that doing this could tear the placenta, leaving some behind and causing postpartum infections. I didn’t say anything though. Things where just happening around me and I wanted to gaze at Eva as much as I could.
After, I’m not sure how long, they finally gave me Eva wrapped up and sleepy. The nurses and doctor left and it was just my husband and I with our precious baby for the first time. She was so sweet, wearing a pink blanket and hat. I felt very close to my husband and thanked him over and over for his help. He couldn’t stop smiling and touching Eva and myself. For about 20-30 minutes, we were uninterrupted and euphorically happy.
I can’t remember who came in next, but at this point I was concerned about feeding my baby. She hadn’t really woke up yet, but was just starting to stir and I wanted to feed her as quickly as possible. When I was pregnant, learning about everything “infant” I knew that if I wanted to have the greatest chance of successful breastfeeding, I had to attempt it as soon as possible. I remember trying to nurse in the delivery room, and then in our postpartum room all through the night. Eva would not latch on or even seemed interested in eating at all. I was frustrated and worried.
I was saddest in the middle of the night. I wanted Eva to sleep in our room with us. Whenever she stirred, I would try to feed her. We had different nurses come in to help, but nothing worked. I was feeling so inadequate and began worrying for my daughter who hadn’t really eaten at all yet. I remember thinking to myself, “What kind of mother am I that I can’t even feed my own daughter?” Part way through the night, the nurses took her to sleep in the nursery so I could rest, we would try in the morning with a lactation specialist. I felt I had failed again.
We tried in the morning, again and again. At the request of the pediatrician, I began using a syringe to feed her. And I felt more and more inadequate every time I had to pour breast milk down my baby’s throat. Eva began to loose complete interest in feeding by the end of her first day and the nurses started seeing jaundice in her skin. She was lethargic and wistful. We stayed another night and day in the postpartum room to see if she could get better with more food. She didn't and the second day we were transported to the NICU.
Eva was placed under bilirubin lights and was given an I.V. The doctor couldn’t find a suitable vein to place the needle, so they had to use one in her head. She had monitors strapped to her heels and wore nothing but a diaper and an eye blindfold. I felt sad that she had to be subjected to so much pain so soon after birth. “She hadn’t done anything wrong to deserve this.” I was never worried for her life or long-term health however, and despite our situation, I was happy to have modern technology to help her through it all.
We stayed in the hospital for 5 days. During this time, I was able to sleep in a NICU room with her because I was attempting to breast feed her. My mom stayed with me, which was a great comfort. And my husband would spend as much time as possible with us, but had school and work responsibilities. I never missed him because he really was there very often, and a big help. It was good that he was able to go home to sleep at this point, because he never slept in a bed at the hospital the two nights he stayed. He was never offered a blanket or anything to drink or eat. I felt bad for him because he was so much a part of the entire process and I didn’t want him to feel put out in any way.
Time sort of stood still for me while we were in the hospital. I was tired and constantly disappointed each time I had an unsuccessful breastfeeding attempt. Eva did begin to improve however, and we were able to take her home the afternoon of the fifth day. I carried Eva in my arms and my husband pushed me in a wheel chair out to meet our car in the parking lot. I remember noticing that the night we came into the hospital was warm, a beautiful hot summer night. And as we were leaving the hospital, just a short time later in my mind, the weather was brisk and breezy, like the first few days of autumn often are. The change in the season was surprising to me and I felt transformed physically in every way. I was thinking to myself, “Here we go. It’s real now.”
It was such a relief to be home with my baby. I was amazed how much more comfortable I felt. I wasn’t as tired, even though my physical recovery time took 2-3 weeks more. I was so happy to have my Mother with me for a few more days at home. And my husband, as always, was a wonderful father and husband, helping with every step of the way. I took visits into the hospital every day for the first three weeks to meet with the lactation specialist, and 2-3 times a week for the next two months. I was pumping for several hours a day to keep my milk supply up and to feed Eva. Every time she was hungry, I’d try to nurse her using several techniques and tricks I had been shown. After she put up a substantial fight, I’d give in and feed her using trick bottles, and syringes to imitate nursing. After she was fed, I’d pump longer to make sure I’d have enough production to keep her fed. This process consumed my life.
I went back to work part time after my maternity leave and stopped trying to nurse her. I continued to pump and feed her using a bottle for 6 months. After that, she began eating so much more than I could produce, I fed her formula and baby food. Truthfully, I feel like my failure at nursing caused me to experience greater postpartum depression and kept me much more tired and frenzied. It also took me a few weeks to feel bonded to my baby. I loved and cared for Eva from the moment she was born, but never felt a strong maternal connection to her until she was a couple weeks old. I’ve always been so grateful that my husband was able to feel that instant unconditional love and attachment to her from the very beginning.
Every milestone that Eva has hit has been a fascinating and exciting time for me. I have always absolutely loved watching her learn and grow. And am so humbled to be her momma. She is such a strong, happy, energetic, intelligent, wonderful child and has been her entire life. From birth Eva has been a great blessing to our family and I am so thankful to continue loving her every exciting step of the way.
Reu
Reu’s due date was October 28th, 2010. I began my pregnancy like I had expected, I was sick as a dog. I was very tired, and very nauseous. I experienced “morning sickness” all day and sometimes throughout the night too. There were two positives to this hardship however; one, I figured I had a good pregnancy and two; I lost a lot of unhealthy weight. I was sick like this for five and a half months. Even though it was very difficult to be sick for so long, by the time I felt better, my pregnancy was better than half over. This fooled my mind into thinking I was only just out of my first trimester, so my second and third trimesters flew by very quickly. It helped me through the sickness by looking at the silver lining.
Because of my experience with Eva’s birth I researched different local hospitals and eventually found a freestanding birthing center that I was very excited about. Because of their regulations, I wasn’t able to schedule an appointment with them until I was three months pregnant. I had been to interview the midwives about six months earlier though and was extremely pleased with the prospect of care I would be getting. They answered every question and concern I had and addressed possible emergencies I had not even thought of. The only procedures the birthing center could not perform were cesarean sections and ultrasounds. We discussed transportation to the local hospitals in emergency cases and I felt absolutely confident in my midwives ability to deliver a healthy baby and to keep me safe as well.
When I was about two months along, I scheduled an appointment at a local clinic for an ultra sound. I was so nervous about having a miscarriage, (I had two earlier) and I wanted to be excited about my pregnancy and just know that everything was going to be okay. I knew that seeing my baby’s heart beat would help me to do that. So I went with my husband to the clinic and as I arrived, I was asked to be seen by the administrator of the offices. He informed me that since I was receiving prenatal care with an entity outside of the local hospital’s jurisdiction, they would not be able to help me with an ultrasound. I was shocked. I couldn’t believe what kind of liability they could be worried about during a routine ultrasound. I was hurt and offended.
After leaving the clinic however, I immediately called several other local hospitals and clinics. I was turned down twice for an ultrasound, but trying again I found a women’s clinic 45 minutes away that would let me see my baby via ultrasound. My husband and I scheduled a date and he took off from work again. This time was a major success. We had a heart beat! I was relieved to know that all my morning sickness was actually doing something productive and I could rest easier knowing that the baby was growing well.
After three months of pregnancy, I had monthly appointments with the birthing center midwives and I eagerly looked forward to these. They lasted about one hour during which I was able to weigh myself, measure my insulin and sugar, measure my baby’s heart beat and external size, get my blood pressure taken and ask any questions I had throughout the month. I loved being so involved at my appointments and it really made me feel like I was in control of my body and the decisions I was making to be able to manage myself. The birthing center offered a library of books and videos to borrow and I liberally took advantage of that as well. Reading about prenatal care really helped me stay focused in striving to have a healthy baby. We were given a special blend of tea to drink daily and stretching or herbs that was recommended by my midwives solved any discomforts I had physically.
Throughout my entire pregnancy, even during my “sea-sick” 5 ½ months, I was very strong and stayed active. As huge as I grew, I remember thinking, “I’m gigantic…but I’m not even waddling!” I attribute my health solely to the prenatal care and attention I received at the birthing clinic.
When I was about 5 ½ months along I was still slightly anxious to make sure everything was going well, and to check the sex of our baby. I scheduled an appointment with the hospital 45 minutes away. I was very anxious to see if everything was progressing well. (And I was secretly hoping for a boy too.) It was so exciting to view the ultrasound with my husband. Everything was perfect and, just like Eva’s ultrasound, I was immediately attached to my baby the moment I was able to see his face. And when the technician announced we were going to have a boy, I was very happy. Leaving the hospital my husband and I were on cloud nine.
As previously mentioned, the rest of my pregnancy flew by…and so did my due date. I really wasn’t worried that I was past due however. My husband had one more week left of school, which was 90 minutes away, and I didn’t want to worry about going into labor with him so far away. I also wasn’t feeling “ready” for a baby yet. I had a list a mile long that I wanted to accomplish before bringing home my baby. My midwives really helped me emotionally prepare for childbirth the last few weeks and prioritize so I wouldn’t run myself down before labor. For those reasons, I was happy to be past my due date. About one week past due, I became very tired…very tired. I slept a lot and poor Eva had to watch movies all day so I could rest on the couch. In the back of my mind I knew my body was resting to prepare for my delivery and it didn’t bother me to be lazy all day.
For about two weeks I had contractions off and on. It was nothing very serious, just annoying. I especially felt them throughout the night. As the two weeks progressed, I began getting up at night more frequently and the contractions began being more and more painful. My midwives suggested I take Tylenol PM to help sleep because at this point we knew it was “any day now” and I needed to be rested. I remember at my last appointment, which was a Monday, saying that I was at last ready to have a baby. And “it would be just perfect if he decided to come that weekend. Sunday would be nice.”
Friday I experience hours of contractions that came regularly. They were about 10-15 minutes apart, but after a few hours would go away. I knew we were nearing the end. I didn’t sleep well at all that night and Saturday was tired from lack of sleep. My husband helped me to rest that day and entertained Eva. We asked my parents to watch her that night too, just so I could get some rest. We were secretly hoping of course that “tonight would be the night”. Saturday evening before we dropped off Eva, we met my in-laws for a surprise dinner. They just happened to be in town and wanted to share an evening with us out. I was having strong contractions through dinner and tried very hard not to look anyone in the face while I was laboring through them. I remember trying to not talk too much because I didn’t want to show the pain I was in. I had to excuse myself to the bathroom for a minute and realized I was bleeding a little bit. Needless to say, I was relieved when dinner was over.
Getting up after eating, I felt much better. My contractions started to slow and were not as powerful. After saying goodbye to my in-laws, we got a phone call from my parents. They were going to meet my brother at his newly purchased home. It was his first house and the whole family was there to take a quick look around. Since no one was at my parent’s house to take Eva for us, we decided to swing by and look at my brother’s house with everyone too. Again, I tried hiding my pain. I didn’t want a lot of attention in case the contractions went away. My mother and father noticed however, and I did tell them I was starting to feel stronger contractions, but to “take their time, we were in no rush”.
About 7:00, we all carpooled over to my parents house for dessert. I didn’t want any, even though at this point, my contractions had stopped. I remember drinking a lot of water to keep hydrated. After a while, we said goodbye to everyone. I told my parents not to get their hopes up because my contractions had stopped again. But thanked them for watching Eva so I could sleep better through the night. On our drive home, my husband and I decided to maybe rent a movie and then go to bed. We stopped by the local store and I had a very strong contraction in the parking lot. I got out of the car and walking into the store, I had another very strong contraction. Walking down the isles, I had another one, and turning around and leaving the store, I had another one. We decided not to rent a movie.
Arriving home, I went straight to the bathroom and relieved myself. I changed into some comfortable clothes and it hit me that “this was it”! My husband and I had a quiet moment together and he said a prayer. I remember him saying that I would be “strong and powerful” and that I would have a “fun experience”. I thought immediately that the word “fun” should not be used to describe labor, but I was glad that he mentioned I would be “powerful”. I would be powerful!
It was 8:00 p.m. My contractions were every 5 minutes apart and would last 30-45 seconds. We called our midwife and told her we were ready to birth a baby, tonight! I spent the next hour on the toilet as my contractions started getting more powerful and lasted longer. I would rest sitting down, and during a contraction would stand resting my hands on the shelves to my left and the toilet paper holder to the right. I bent over in half and would rock my body back and forth. Sometimes it helped to focus my vision on the floor tiles beneath me and sometimes I needed to keep my eyes closed. During every contraction, I called my husband to come in and stand with me. I would push my head into his stomach and he would either rub my back or rest his hands on my head. When a contraction was over, he would run to gather our things for the birthing center.
While he was gone, running all over the house, I let my body totally relax. For a long time I was able to call out to my husband and even joked several times about various things. I was so happy for this time to rest. It made the pain so easy to handle knowing that in just a few seconds, it would be over and I could rest again. I remember thinking that this was not at all how my first delivery went. I was in perfect control despite the increasingly, intensifying pain.
When we called our midwife, she said she would be ready in about 45 minutes. We thought that meant to call her again and come in at that time if my contractions were still strong. After 45 minutes however, I told my husband to get me in the car as soon as possible, we were leaving now with or without calling ahead. My contractions were very close together now and were lasting a long time. (About one minute, when we remembered to time them.) I wrapped a blanket around me because I wasn’t about to climb into pants at this point. He helped me to the car, but I walked to the wrong side of the vehicle. Realizing this, I turned straight around back into the house to have another contraction. I didn’t want to bellow and moan where the neighbors could see and I wasn’t going to make myself be quiet. After the contraction, I moved as quickly as I could to the right side of the car and climbed in. I sat on my knees on the floor of our van and my husband drove as quickly as he could to the birthing center.
We had 20 minutes to drive and thankfully it went by very quickly. The contractions were so strong and without hardly a break between them now. I couldn’t get into a comfortable position in the car and at this point, the only thing that helped me get through was to scream and beat my fist on the car seat next to me. I remember thinking “I am wild and crazy, but I can’t think of any thing else to do to make this pain endurable”! I realized my husband might be getting very concerned at my state of being, and remember distinctly telling him "not to worry, that I was fine I just needed to be loud so I could manage the pain". I asked him to talk to me while he drove. Hearing his voice helped me concentrate on something else and kept me relaxed for the short time between contractions. I remember looking outside the window at the lights going by noting where we were. I thought to myself, “this had better be my transition stage…I’m sure this is transition, this has to be transition, PLEASE let this be transition!”
When we pulled up to the birthing center, my husband helped me out of the car and inside. Our midwife and her assistant met us at the door. Halfway through the small clinic, my blanket was taken from me. Looking back on it now, I think my midwife was surprised to see how far along I was. I don’t think she was ready to see me that far progressed through labor. I asked her to do two things, "fill that birthing tub as fast as you can, and please check to see how far dilated I am". As I lay down on the bed for her to check my dilation, I noticed how nice the birthing room looked. There were candles lit, and it created a soft light with all the windows dark from the night. I remembered to breath through the pain. She checked me through my contractions, and it hurt. But good news, I was fully dilated to 10!
The birthing tub had filled very quickly and I climbed in. I had been thinking of getting in the water almost since the beginning of my labor and the warm water was perfect. I could feel my entire body really relax between contractions. While I was in the water, my midwife checked my blood pressure and the baby’s heart beat. I noticed from time to time the quiet, slow movements that both her and her assistant were making getting things ready for the birth. My husband was standing outside the tub in front of me and held my hands and arms. It was comforting having his attention 100% of the time, and it really felt like we were just laboring together Everything was under control and geared towards us both as husband and wife to direct our labor.
I had softer, more manageable contractions for the next half hour or so and I felt like my labor had sort of slowed way down. I just let my body relax and rejuvenate in the water. After a while though, I realized I probably needed to move so we could get the contractions to really start working for me again. My midwife checked the baby’s head location and he hadn’t really moved further down yet. I didn’t mentally want to move yet, but I asked my midwife, “I don’t know what to do? What should I do?” She told me to just breathe and move where I felt I needed to go, “my body was doing everything right, I just needed to breath.” That gave me comfort to see how calm and trusting she was in the process.
My husband probably noticed the time I had been in the tub and felt the need to start things moving along too and he asked me if I’d like to get up on my knees in the water to hopefully move the baby’s head further down. I didn’t want to move yet and I told him so. My contractions started getting stronger. He asked me several minutes later, “I really think maybe we should get you up on your knees to help move things along.” I was a little bothered that he asked me again because I felt; still, pretty comfortable in the position I was in. My poor husband though, he knew exactly what to do, because after a few more contractions, he said again, “You know, I’m so sorry to mention this again, but I really think you need to move so we can get to pushing this baby out.” At that point, I was ready mentally to move as well. I didn’t want to keep having contractions that weren’t doing any good for the baby, so with his help I got up on my knees.
He was right too, and after a few more contractions, I started pushing. I was timid at first because with my first delivery, I never felt the third stage of labor. My midwife was able to coach me a little when I asked a few questions. She told me she could tell that I was pushing correctly by the sounds I was making. My water hadn’t broken yet, but as I started really getting into pushing hard, I felt a gush in the birthing tub water and my membrane had broken. I felt the baby’s head move further down. My midwife said that I either needed to lie back so someone could catch the baby or my husband needed to get in the tub behind me. He was wearing shorts, so he sat on the edge of the tub and put his legs in the water. He said he "wasn't about to let me move after trying so hard to get me into the position I was in". We all smiled together.
Reu’s arm was up by his head as he emerged, but it didn’t seem to stop my progression or impede the quality of my pushing. My midwife was continually monitoring my baby and me and I felt strong and well. My husband guided the baby out and pulled Reu out of the water as quickly as his body was born. I turned over onto my back and sat down in the water. I could tell my husband didn’t want to hand over Reu right away, but I asked for him anyway. My husband was staring at our brand new baby with a huge smile on his face and tears in his eyes.
He set Reu on my chest and I remember the first thing I thought when I saw him was what a perfect, small little man he looked like. I whispered, “It’s a baby! Hello baby.” I had done it! He pinked up very quickly and as I held him and his eyes were closed very tightly. His lips were pouting out, like he was saying, “Wow, it’s bright out here. Who woke me up from that comfortable nap I was just having?” Slowly, his face relaxed and he opened his eyes only slightly. He looked right at me, just staring as his eyes fully opened. After my husband and I sat there soaking up our brand new baby for a while, our midwife asked my husband if he wanted to cut the cord. He hopped off the edge of the tub and with instructions; he clamped and cut the cord. It was very cool to have him involved so much. It felt like our midwives were there to make sure everything happened safely and to monitor our success, but my husband and I were the ones who were in charge of everything else. I never felt rushed or hurried.
My husband took Rue from me so I could get cleaned up. I stood in the tub for a while stretching my legs and was surprised at how strong I still felt. After I was taken care of, we all three laid down on a large bed together while I nursed our perfect little boy. Everything seemed so natural and it was so easy to feed my brand new baby. Reu was so alert, and when he had eaten for about 45 minutes, the midwife did her full check on him, right there on the foot of our bed. The lights were still very low, and it was exciting to have all the measurements explained to us and to be a part of that experience. The midwives gave no evasive tests or medications and Reu, being almost 3 hours old, still had not cried once. He fell fast asleep in my husband's arms, and my midwife checked me further. I remember how excited she was to see that I didn’t require any stitching whatsoever. We high-fived.
My recovery went much the same as the delivery, quick and practically painless. Instead of weeks of recovery, I was out doing minimal activity the very next day. And one week later, I felt perfect. My husband and I had shared a beautiful experience together and I felt closer to him as well. My postnatal care with the midwives continued for 6 weeks with no complications. I was sorry to see our relationship end.
Reu has continued to be a calm, happy baby. He has been a joy and a wonderfully perfect addition to our family. Experiencing natural childbirth has helped me create a strong bond with Reu in a way that I never expected. I am excited to continue watching him grow and learn and am so glad he was able to enter our family feeling such love and safety.
